Archive for February, 2010

“Othello project”

Thursday, February 25th, 2010

By chance of fate I have received one of the worst extracts of the English language in the known universe. Here it is, in its complete and original form, verbatim.

“I don’t under stand what I have done to Nate to make him feel so jelous. I am an honest person amd would never do anything to hurt him.I know I have lost his bracelet but I know i will find it soon im almost certain he means allot to me. but when im just trying to help out a friend he gets all angry I don’t understan him. I have known nate for as long as I can remember and never has he acted in such a jealous person I hope things get better soon I don’t know if I can go on much longer on such bad terms with him. Im trying to do so many things right now that I just cant handle What do I do? I will just have to wait this situation out im sure it will pass soon enough.”

Like, what the hell is this even about? Because it sure isn’t about Othello.

The First Downer Essay Of The Decade!

Monday, February 22nd, 2010

The dawning of a new year is and has been marked by the world’s cultures as a special occasion, meriting frivolous celebration and joviality for thousands of years. Across the globe, not always on the same date, but always every 365.25 days, people rejoice in the opportunities and excitement that awaits them in the coming year, waving banners, holding religious and cultural ceremonies, setting off fireworks, just on this one eve. The past is now over; the present is now the future. For this one shining day Earth’s huddled masses can allow themselves to be optimistic, because with the purchase of each new calendar comes the ability to fulfill long pondered goals and dreams. Right?

Well, the thing is, I’ve got some bad news – the new year means nothing. Did you think that your credit card company was going to send you a letter telling you that, since it’s a new year, they’ve decided to lower your rates? Do you think that warlords in Darfur will let their child soldiers go and have a nice dinner with their mothers? Is someone’s cancer going to recede, just because of such a special occasion? And I would assume that the ticking of a hand from one second to another on a clock somewhere in Greenwich will in some way cause world peace and end poverty (just give it a year)? While these admittedly facetious rhetoricals paint a grotesque and seemingly unrealistic portrait of our naïve expectations regarding the new year, they are not far off the mark. As the new year comes, I look around me and see nothing but excitement about the things the future of 2010 has in store for us. Excitement that I found absent in most people throughout 2009.

The problem that I have with this reactionary optimism to the new year is twofold; on the one hand, I dislike having to witness people almost deliberately dupe themselves (rest assured, that is what they are doing), and on the other, the sense of victory some people feel at the beginning of the year causes in them a debilitating elation that in many ways can hamper the social, scientific, and other progress that they are so prematurely celebrating. The problem is even more pronounced this year(though not as bad as 2000), since this is the beginning of a new decade, the first new decade in 10 years! It seemed like every day for almost a month my media smorgasbord was full of firsts of the decade, bests of the decade, things that happened in the last decade, etc. Hell, I could even say that this is the best essay I’ve written all decade, and technically I’d be telling the truth; it’s the only one so far.

But the real truth is the only reason this specific place in Earth’s orbital path around our star is in any way remarkable is because we arbitrarily label it as such. There is absolutely no noticeable change in such a small time frame that could change anything. The new year is just an excuse, something upon which to heap our unfulfilled prophesies, aspirations, fears, and adoration. The passage of a year is a great reason to give someone a medal, or buy a new car, or make a list of the top ten of something, or “turn over a new leaf”, and we want, need, to do that, because it makes us feel good, feel like accomplished human beings. But in reality, we aren’t incredibly sincere about these thing when we do them around this time, and we don’t like to maintain such a healthy optimism throughout the entire year – that would take too much effort, and we abhor effort. Instead, we use the time around the new year, the new decade, the new era, to let out all of our positive thoughts, so that they don’t get in the way of our lazy cynicism for another 12 months.

Now I don’t think that committing to a new diet, or breaking up an unhealthy relationship, or quitting your dead end job, or being nicer to your mother-in-law, or telling someone how great they are at what they do, are bad things to do. I just think that by waiting to resolve to change ourselves until a period when we can easily forget and fall off the wagon, we do ourselves and the world a huge disservice. When there is a time that everyone uses as a starting point for such large enterprises, failure is always an option – it’s not looked down upon, or mocked. In fact, it could be argued that it is more of an American tradition to drop off our New Year’s resolutions than to maintain and fulfill them. And the thing hindering us from making such great changes has nothing to do with the difficulty of the tasks, or our ability to carry these things out. It is entirely because of our outlook that we fail, and this outlook is inexorably bound with the passing of each year.

Really, all I wish is that we could make New Year’s resolutions every single day of our lives, because in reality every single morning, when we wake up, and every single step that we take as we walk to the bus, and every bite of our morning everything bagel, marks the beginning of a new year, a new decade, a new millennium, and every one of these moments is a moment in which it’s worth it to put our best foot forward. I don’t want the New Year’s celebrations to end; I want them to continue, to carry themselves out unto their final fruition, until through maintaining hope and determination to change, we can do all those things we saved for the failed resolution season, and we can really change the world.

The Comedy of Images

Monday, February 1st, 2010

I write a webcomic almost weekdaily at Wizzlefish. Once or twice a week I’ll publish a comic made of images (like the one above), in the style of Superpoop or A Softer World.

These are my favorite comics to write, because they’re both easy, and most hilarious. I’m told by my friends that the comedic value of this particular genre of webcomic is much higher than the others. But why is this?

This type of comic is straightforward, colorful, and easy to digest. Your average person spends, what, 2-4 seconds on a website, and if there isn’t something there to grab their attention, it’s not worth looking for it. My black and white comics with large blocks of text, a la Dinosaur Comics are funny, but they take work. The average cybergoer isn’t looking for work unless they are some sort of scholar, but in the business of webcomics, you’re audience isn’t really a bunch of intellectuals. Or maybe it is. Regardless, comic books, graphic novels, and webcomics were designed originally for quick consumption. Modern comics come in $3 magazines, eventually published as trade paperbacks that take you a few hours to read at most.

But further than that, these comics are made from photographs, mostly. Actual digital representations of people and scenery who are alive and human, not illustrations. They aren’t creations of man, they are man itself, and that is an entirely new dimension of humanity to relate to. It’s much easier to relate to an actual living person captured by a photograph than an artist’s interpretation.

So where am I going? Comedic imagery is one of the most important facets of comedy. You can’t just tell a good story and expect people to laugh. Or, you can, but the joke won’t last, the people won’t remember the story. You need images, descriptions, characterization to fully sell a joke. And what better imagery and description to use than actual images?

A good example would be memes, most of which come about in the form of captioned images. These bits of comedy arise from the stagnant cesspool called 4chan, and some of them are actually funny and make you laugh. They wouldn’t work without the images themselves, that’s what the joke is built upon. You can’t just say, “oh so there’s a cat and it’s jumping in midair and it looks like it’s riding a bicycle, like an invisible one, yeah?” That wouldn’t work. You need the picture. You need substance. You need 1000 more words.

Which do you like more, the image comics of Wizzlefish, or the regular ones?