Zombies Make Everything Better

Greetings and salutations dear readers! ‘Tis I, Zach. Presumably, if you are reading this blog, you know me. Personally. S-Dogg and J-Dizzle were kind enough to allow me to become involved in their fine blog. I hope you guys are excited to read what I write. Because I am pretty excited to slowly but surely subliminally subvert your personage to do my bidding. So get ready to read a lot of awesome words.

I went through a whole lot of ideas about what to write about for my first post. I shan’t bother you with the details, but my ideas were; Jet Li, Purple Rain, and Nutella. But I wrote a tithe for those, and they are either boring or really long. So instead, I decided to review a book.

Pride and Prejudice And Zombies. Now, I’ve never read Jane Austen. And I don’t really ever plan to. But when I heard that someone (Seth Grahame-Smith) was going to take the original text and add zombies to it, I was pretty excited. It is, after all, a mathematically proven fact that by adding zombies to anything, it automatically becomes exponentially more awesome. A helpful formula for knowing exactly how much more awesome is

X(Z+B)=A

Admittedly, that equation may look somewhat intimidating to someone who doesn’t have a doctorate in Mathematics, so allow me to explain in layman’s terms. X is the awesomeness of the original work (be it a novel, film, television show, or what have you). Z is the amount of zombies being added in, and B is equal to the number of brains that are eaten throughout the work. This all adds up to A, which is the work’s new level of awesomeness.

So one day, I went down to my local booksellers to purchase a copy of the novel, after spending about 20 minutes trying to figure out where they put the copies. For some reason, it was in the teen section, next to all the ridiculous novels about angsty youths who overcome the oppressive man all the while learning to accept themselves for who they are. But back to the book itself-PPZ is a full of ridiculously awesome stuff; Zombies, Ninja, and Victorian-Era men and women who spend their time being members of High Society, and shooting, stabbing, and kung-fu’ing the undead to their permanent death. The new parts added to the novel are pretty well-written, especially if you are as much of a sucker as I am for Victorian lingo. A new level of humour is added to the novel as well, as many a clever line have been penned for your reading pleasure. Here is an example of one of the scenes, between Lady Catherine (a total biznatch), and Elizabeth (the main heroine)

“Have your ninjas left you?”
“We never had any ninjas.”
“No ninjas! How was that possible? Five daughters brought up at home without any ninjas! I never heard of such a thing. Your mother must have been quite a slave to your safety.”
Elizabeth could hardly help smiling as she assured her that had not been the case.

So yeah. That’s the type of situation that occurs in the book. You can’t forget though, this is still a book that Jane Austen wrote, so there are parts where the characters spend a long time just talking about getting married and boring stuff like that. But those parts are generally encompassed by loads of awesome zombie scenes and the like.

But in the end, your best bet for determining whether or not you’ll like this book is by simply considering the subject matter. If you like zombies and awesome things, then you’ll like this book. If you prefer your Austen to contain absolutely nothing exciting, then you might want to pass on it.

Overall, I give Pride And Prejudice And Zombies an A. And if that’s not enough Jane Austen madness for you, Sense And Sensibility And Sea Monsters is going to be released in the middle of September.