Dear Britain

It has been fun knowing you, but with the recent alien invasion, I don’t think we’ll be seeing much of you around anymore.

I regret to inform you that we won’t be able to help you out on this one, the risk is just too great. I can only advise that you prepare your troops and scramble your fighter jets as soon as possible, and warn all of your citizens of the invasion. Armageddon has come 4 years early, and unfortunately, it’s you that had to be hit.

We cannot doubly risk the lives of our troops in such a cosmically-scaled battle, and I really don’t think that we would survive. The War on Aliens has started, and my military advisers tell me that with the strength of their army as it is, the whole world probably won’t be around even to see the New Year.

We’ve known of these things living in the oceans, but we’d never thought they’d make it on land. SETI tells me that they’ve received lots of signals from distant stars, obviously awakening their underwater army. It’s sad to see them attack you, Britain, because you were really one of the world’s favorite countries, and you always had the best costumes at the UN Halloween parties. Life won’t be the same without you, and it will always be a depressing reminder to look at a world map and see not a country but an island consumed by isopod invaders.

I wish you and your countrymen the best of luck in battle.

Love,
The US